A number of clients lately have been asking me the same question: “Why is this happening (to me)” The implication or follow up questions suggest the assumption that if one can figure out why something is happening, one can then stop it or turn it in a different direction.
A more valuable question is often, “How do I best handle this?”
It’s easy to get tangled up in psychobabble and left-brain analyzing when hunting for a “why.” It’s possible to create more difficulties and confusion than one started with due to the tendency to pick oneself apart, criticize, judge and doubt.
Sometimes when I dig for a “why,” I end up sinking myself in the past, in events or interactions or relationships, hunting a solution. But they’re past. They require no solution, or letting go may be the solution, or the solution lies in a new choice of action or reaction now.
When I say to myself, “It is what it is; how do I best handle this?” I’m offering myself a choice: do I act or react in the way I might usually act or react, or is there another choice. There may be a choice that leaves me feeling better about myself, or an option that feels right even if it seems to run counter to logic. If I sit with the question for awhile, I may find that I’d like to do X but fear the outcome. This gives me a chance to practice following my inner knowing, letting go of the outcome, allowing myself to trust myself. Trust myself to experiment, learn through experience, even to fuck up … the experience will still be valuable even if it turns out not to have been the best choice. I’d have tried. Or not – maybe I go ahead and do the not-scary thing this time while I begin to let go of that particular fear by practicing on decisions and choices that seem small and less scary for awhile, building my confidence and honing my skill with this new way of expression or interaction.
If a “best” choice isn’t clear, why worry? Make a choice and let go of the outcome. Consider it an experiment. Pay attention to what happens inside and out, then next time you’ll have a little more information to go on. Because there is no end, it’s all good even if it doesn’t look so from this physical world point of view. Pat yourself on the back for living, exploring, experimenting consciously and with attention.
Often the “why” is answered in experiencing the “how.”
That’s my reminder to myself today.
8 thoughts on “Why or How, Which Is The Question?”
Natalie, great response. What I also like to do is realize that whatever is occurring is also an opening into something in the future that I don’t yet know about that will occur based on what is happening right now. When I look back at how an experience in the “past” has led me to something experienced in the “present”, I realize that the present occurrence would not have happened if the past experience had not occurred even though I might not have consciously realized that as I was having the past experience. It’s all good.
Well said, Toni!
in addition to the route your post suggests …”Often the “why” is answered in experiencing the “how.” ” (which i BTW adore for its simple effectivness!) it has, for me, been of GREAT value to recignize that when ever i “ask” a “question” (as in “why is this happening?”, etc.) since i also prefer to believe that all questions hold within themselves their own particular answers, that just by the virtue of my asking, even tho i am not (at that moment) vibrationally lined up with the answer, i have asked and am BEING answered… so as i turn my attention to other aspects of my chosen now moments, i can rest assured that i am vibrationally lining up with “getting” my answer… shortly.
and i REALLY like the feeling of that knowing
as well as the especially surprising and sometimes really FUN ways
that the universe has of exposing itself to me! (O:
also (forgot to mention) as one who has asked alot of … hmm… why is this, this or that – sort of questions, i actually find great insight has come to me when i DO get to the “reason” that i may or may not be/do/have such and such… the inquiry always takes me to the place i can unassemble (so-to-speak) false premises i have allowed to continue to run MY show! lol
LOL i (just after posting the above) got an abe quote in my inbox and this is it:
“This is our definition of what true understanding is: Life has caused you to ask and understanding is coming into alignment with the answer. And so until you’ve asked, there can not be understanding. That’s also the value and the power of contrast; It keeps causing you to expand. So that’s why the knowing keeps coming and coming and coming and coming and coming.
Asheville, NC 9/28/11
The great adventure only happens when you embark on one…or should I say you realize you are on one…and YOU are the captain…?!
“Captain of my ship, master of my soul …”