Tag Archives: Silence

Why or How, Which Is The Question?

A number of clients lately have been asking me the same question: “Why is this happening (to me)” The implication or follow up questions suggest the assumption that if one can figure out why something is happening, one can then stop it or turn it in a different direction.

A more valuable question is often, “How do I best handle this?”

It’s easy to get tangled up in psychobabble and left-brain analyzing when hunting for a “why.” It’s possible to create more difficulties and confusion than one started with due to the tendency to pick oneself apart, criticize, judge and doubt.

Sometimes when I dig for a “why,” I end up sinking myself in the past, in events or interactions or relationships, hunting a solution. But they’re past. They require no solution, or letting go may be the solution, or the solution lies in a new choice of action or reaction now.

When I say to myself, “It is what it is; how do I best handle this?” I’m offering myself a choice: do I act or react in the way I might usually act or react, or is there another choice. There may be a choice that leaves me feeling better about myself, or an option that feels right even if it seems to run counter to logic. If I sit with the question for awhile, I may find that I’d like to do X but fear the outcome. This gives me a chance to practice following my inner knowing, letting go of the outcome, allowing myself to trust myself. Trust myself to experiment, learn through experience, even to fuck up … the experience will still be valuable even if it turns out not to have been the best choice. I’d have tried. Or not – maybe I go ahead and do the not-scary thing this time while I begin to let go of that particular fear by practicing on decisions and choices that seem small and less scary for awhile, building my confidence and honing my skill with this new way of expression or interaction.

If a “best” choice isn’t clear, why worry? Make a choice and let go of the outcome. Consider it an experiment. Pay attention to what happens inside and out, then next time you’ll have a little more information to go on. Because there is no end, it’s all good even if it doesn’t look so from this physical world point of view. Pat yourself on the back for living, exploring, experimenting consciously and with attention.

Often the “why” is answered in experiencing the “how.”

That’s my reminder to myself today.


Filed under Explorations, Musing


It may appear that I’m neglecting this blog, not having posted for a few weeks.

Our world is filled with voices scrambling to be heard. Facebook, Twitter, blogs, Linked In, television, magazines, websites, billboards, …

Participating in this level of noise through blogging sometimes feels like a dis-ease.

Publishers and publicists and friends assure me that posting every few days is necessary to build an audience, which is necessary to “get the message out there.” I have a little different way of thinking about that.

I believe that adding my voice to the mass of voices is only of value if I do it because it’s fun (a broad category, I admit), not because I’m trying to catch people’s attention through dogging their attention. I believe the people who need the information in my book will find it, and relatedly that the public exposure opportunities that the book needs will make themselves evident by sounding interesting and/or fun for me.

And I believe the things that I’ve said in my book: that I set my intention through thought and intention, then let go. I don’t have to dog it or manipulate an audience, I hope. Call it an experiment in application.

Silence is one of the beauties of life. Waiting, anticipation, sitting quietly for so long that we lose the hunger and surrender to the moment, the now, the humble present here right now … the soft cool breeze, the scent of creosote, crickets singing, dogs barking far off down the valley. This night is breathing.

If I’m trying to cram fifteen tasks into a day, I will begin to lose my balance. If I try to post X number of profound thoughts or observations each week, am I being true or just chattering? Silence is sometimes necessary to quiet the mind, open the flow of creative thought, and ground myself here in the rich and mystifying physical world.

The regular posts will probably start up again eventually … And fade off again, and reappear. Even blogs have a rhythm and seasons, perhaps.

Thank you for finding this blog worth reading among all the choices that you have available … I hope you’ll enjoy the silence as much as you do the posts; I do.

A little zen.


Filed under Current Affairs, Musing